Film: 'Piranha 3DD'; Cast: Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff, Matt Bush; Director: John Gulager; Rating: 1/2*
There are good films and there are bad films. There are bad films and then there are terrible films. And beyond the abyss of the terrible, there's 'Piranha 3DD'.
The piranhas that infested Lake Victoria in the first part of the film, now find their way into a newly opened theme park on its opening day. As celebrity lifeguard David Hasselhoff watches from his watchtower, people are ripped apart with no one to stop these preying prehistoric predator piranhas.
'Piranha 3DD' is a film that is an overdose of everything that can be wrong with a film. There's no semblance of a plot, sub-plots, characterisation or even building up of tension that can be relieved later.
It is but a collection not just of cliches, but ones so old and retarded that even the most cliched films in the market don't use them. Can you, for example, remember the last time you saw a man running with a box of cash, the overflowing cash spilling all around?
The original piranha in the 1970s was a B-grade film. The one that came two years back stayed true to this 'B' grade attitude. But with this one obviously the makers got ambitious, aiming not just for a C-grade film, but further beyond into a D-grade film. A D-grade film with a double D!
3D was invented for films like this. Errors that you'd have easily missed with 2D end up slapping smack in your face with 3D.
There was an element of something interesting creeping up with this one. For a while it brimmed with the promise of piranhas breeding inside the belly of a woman just like in the Alien franchise. That would have been cheesy, but fun. Instead you have something that is much more unconceivable right in the last shot of the film - walking piranha.
It is thus a tomb stone of cliches fossilised for ages brought to life just like the prehistoric piranhas. The greatest mystery of the film is not where the piranha came from, but why was the film made? Where did they get the money? And how did the piranhas travel so many thousands of miles to reach theatres in India.
One of the meaning of 'DD' is 'dishonourable discharge' and that is exactly what you should give this film.