An entrance exam for Indian politicians...

Last Updated: Tue, Aug 20, 2013 11:57 hrs

Recently the Minister for Information and Broadcasting suggested a license and entrance examination for journalists.

Something similar was also echoed by the Chairman of the Press Council of India some time back.

What if Indian politicians too had to undergo an entrance test to enter the political arena?

(Written totally tongue in cheek and according to the general perceptions that our political classes are held in!)

Part 1: Written test…

Section I: Detailed answers…

Q. 1: For every 1 crore you loot, how much will you keep with you, how much will you give to the bureaucracy and how much will you send to head office?

Q. 2: Please list 10 ways in which you will service your black money. (E.g., Swiss banks, Hawala…)

Q. 3: Please list 5 ways in which you will fix an honest official.

Q. 4: Please list 10 dangers of Anna Hazare style movements.

Q. 6: Do you think Twitter should be banned? If not, then how can abuse be minimized against politicians and maximized against common Tweeple?

Q. 7: Section 66A has proved totally ineffective in muzzling online dissent. Can you think of stricter measures to implement?

Q. 8: Dynastic politics has saved the nation. Write 100 words on why you agree.

Q. 9: Despite Paid News, Government ads, subsidies, perks, junkets and exclusives, the mainstream media is still criticizing politicians. Do you think we should license them? Other measures to rein them in please.

Q. 10: Do you have a chargesheet against you? Please list 5 ways in which it will enhance your political life. If you don’t, then please explain how you will cope in the tough world of Indian politics.

Section II: Objective answers…

Q. 1: What is the most important guiding principle for you in your career?

a) Constitution is Supreme.

b) People are sovereign.

c) Politicians are servants of the people.

d) None of the above. They all have to be ignored.

Q. 2: Which is India’s biggest scam?

a) Bofors.

b) 2G.

c) Coalgate.

d) CWG.

Q. 3: How will you stall Parliament indefinitely for the day?

a) Keep storming to the well of the house.

b) Keep heckling the Speaker non-stop.

c) Stage walk-outs.

d) Tear the copy of the Bill being discussed.

Q. 4: When you are caught in a scandal, what will you do?

a) Go underground.

b) Come out with all guns blazing and deny everything with full force.

c) Keep pointing to the misdeeds of the opposite political party.

d) Do absolutely nothing. People will forget it in a few days.

Q. 5: What is the minimum attendance required in Parliament to continue being an MP?

a) 100%.

b) 50%.

c) 33%.

d) 0%

Q. 6: Anna Hazare is…

a) Communal.

b) Fascist.

c) Corrupt.

d) All of the above.

Q. 7: Who is Mahatma Gandhi?

a) The Father of the Nation.

b) The man who is there on every currency note.

c) The man responsible for dry days.

d) It doesn’t matter, just keep invoking his name.

Q. 8: Which sensitive issues must never be raised during elections?

a) Religion.

b) Caste.

c) Gender.

d) This is a very stupid question.

Q. 9: In case you have made a massive mistake, which is the most important thing to note?

a) You should never do it again.

b) You should apologize.

c) You should quit politics.

d) You should never get caught.

Q. 10: What is the retirement age of politicians?

a) 60.

b) 70.

c) 80.

d) This is quite a silly concept.

Part 2: Practicals…

Task 1: You are given Rs 10,000 white money. Please convert it into Rs 100,000 black money from sunrise to sunset.

Task 2: XYZ is a peaceful little hamlet. Can you introduce communal tension within 48 hours?

Task 3: An RTI activist is asking for some sensitive information. Make sure he doesn’t get it and never asks for it again.

Task 4: You are given Rs 100,000. Use it to collect 10,000 people for a speech of half an hour that you will have to make.

Task 5: In a sealed envelope is given one story that you have to plant in your local newspaper. A news channel will be even better.

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