Part 2: Incredible India 2013

Last Updated: Tue, Dec 31, 2013 06:36 hrs

Hello! Welcome back to our look back at the entertainment our dear netas have been giving us over the year. The first few months of the year set a pretty tough act to follow, what with all sorts of statements being made about how women can ensure safety for themselves by, you know, staying at home.

Part 1: Incredible India 2013

Part 3: Incredible India 2013

Falling short of saying that an embryo should quickly swap a few chromosomes if it sees it’s got one X too many, the people in power and some associates have had a healthy dose of foot.

Let’s look at some more things our revered overlords did over the year that made us reconsider the requirement for that Comedy Club lifetime membership.

The Great Clean Chit Sale: It appears like the CBI took active part in Google’s Online Shopping Festival, handing out clean chits to anyone who needed one. Provided they were from the Congress, of course. Remember Jaggu Tytler? One could almost see the creases on RK Sinha’s blazer, subject to constant arm-twisting…

The playground bully: China kept shoving its way into India’s territory, one little step at a time. Certain people complained, of course, but our government kept insisting that “China is a good boy, you must have mistaken. Are you sure your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles colouring book was on that table? Check? Sure? Theek hai”.

The law of averages: Pavan Kumar Bansal being involved in a 90 lakh scam, totally shaming the Congress, who clearly mention that their minimum expectation is 10 crores. This is what happens when there are cracks in the system.

Mr. Bansal, who later in the year files a case because his Facebook page got more likes than expected, is clearly not the brightest filament of tungsten in the carton box.

The renaming of the year: Siddaramaiah promoted our Prime Minister to Gandhi (or demoted, depending on which Gandhi you consider). In early May, he ‘thanked’ Sonia Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi and Manmohan Gandhi.

Good ol' Sid probably realized that this is the ultimate sycophancy, sucking up to the people who really matter.

No ha-has: The central government decided to have a monopoly on providing entertainment and decided to (albeit temporarily) ban Comedy Central. Now, for cheap humour with bad language, one can always tune in to the live sessions of Parliament.

Most hated country: China – be it insurgency or attacks on Chowmein, our oriental neighbours fell out of favour with us.

Dhoni’s Manmohan Monent: Do we mean individual geniuses leading a group of champions into the 21st century as it prepares to take on the world? Afraid not. Both were silenced by respective bosses.

Bye bye, telegram: In India there are 2 things that nobody cares about, is dated, should have stopped being used in the 20th century itself, and frankly, most people are surprised are still active. One of them was retired by India Post in June. While LK Advani still wheezes out a couple of lines once in a while.

Rescue Ranger of the year: NaMo airlifting Gujjus stranded in Uttarakhand? That’s something else. RaGa probably couldn’t do anything since he couldn’t find any homes to go have lunch in.

Freefall: The slip of the rupee can be sung to the tune of Adele’s Skyfall. 'Let it free fall… Economy crumbles… Policy will stall… We’re all screwed together.'

State of mind: Rahul Gandhi has come a long way in 2013. With foot-in-mouth stalwarts like Diggy in his party, the protege seemed to have quite a bit to do, but with this fabulous statement, he left everyone in the dust.

Tapping his philosophical 27-rupee-per-day side, he proceeds to say that poverty is indeed, a state of mind. So next time you complain of dying of marasmus, you ungrateful brute, stop being so whiny and snap out of it.

BSchool role model: If we look up to people who create massive amounts of wealth out of nothing at all, then one would be hard pressed to look beyond Robert Vadra.

Magic trick of the year: Missing coal-gate files. Houdini couldn’t have done better. Oh, and what’s that about that convenient fire at Mantralaya?
In part three, we will look at the last few months of the year, which have probably been the most entertaining of the lot.

It features an unexpected surprise in the rise of someone who the country ridiculed for most part of the year and never thought would amount to anything in the national scheme of things, but managed to surprise and end the year as everyone’s darling.

Yes, we’re talking about Rohit Sharma.

Part 1: Incredible India 2013

Part 3: Incredible India 2013

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