Part 3: Incredible India 2013

Last Updated: Tue, Dec 31, 2013 06:35 hrs

And here we are, to the last instalment of the look back at India this year – with a special focus on how the folks in Parliament (and associated friends) have been keeping us entertained (and facepalming).

Part 1: Incredible India 2013

Part 2: Incredible India 2013

I assure you this will be the last instalment, and it won’t keep coming back like an unpleasant dream (or Afridi retiring) (or the Dhoom franchise).

The card of the year: The Congress would have sent Duvvari Subbarao a huge happy retirement card. Just like the Indian bowlers would be relieved to see the back of Hashim Amla.

Best demonstration of the coefficient of restitution: Akhilesh Yadav, he of baby-faced bicycle-slonganeering fame, wrote a check for welfare schemes. The problem? The account linked had no money in it. Ouch.

The law of averages: Pavan Kumar Bansal being involved in a 90 lakh scam, totally shaming the Congress, who clearly mention that their minimum expectation is 10 crores.

This is what happens when there are cracks in the system. Mr. Bansal, who later in the year files a case because his Facebook page got more likes than expected, is clearly not the brightest filament of tungsten in the carton box.

Create your package: Sachin Tendulkar being given the option to decide where he would play his 200th and final test. Those stiff-upper-lip MCC blokes and the cold-hearted ACB fellows were tsk-tsking.

Sidey fangirlism of the year: When one thinks of male celebrities who would have their share of fanatical female following, the usual suspects are Bollywood stars, rock musicians, a model – all worthy of being recipients of gifts and flung undergarments.

Nowhere, though, in the pecking order would one expected respected economists and central bank governors to feature on the list. Perhaps they’re there, right above exorcist and below neighbourhood plumber, but there you have it.

Shobaa De, however, decided to turn things around, and an ET centerpage article into Mills & Boons by exhausting adjective and collective patience by penning her lust for the Mint Man. It all made for delicious social media fodder.

Songs we didn’t need: With the elections around the corner, it was only natural to expect some amount of cheesiness in campaigns – be it party-generated or user-generated.

The NaMo anthem would embarrass the man himself, while Man Mein Hai Mulayam has probably spoiled a Billy Joel classic for many. With all parties signing up ad agencies, one shudders to think what’s coming next year. Keep your volume control within reach.

Gadget of the year: The NaMo phone! What delicious irony it would be then, if we have a hung parliament next year and post horse-trading, the winning alliance decides to launch a… Wait for it… Nexus?

Piping up: History loves people who don’t talk much, but when they do, create a lot of flutter. Well, Rahul Gandhi’s got that down pat. Earlier in the year, his escape velocity comment was responsible for rocketing (pun definitely intended) that erstwhile ignored number into political superstardom, at least among Dalits. But it was later in the year with his ‘nonsense’ statement that he really set the cat among the limping flightless pigeons.

Frequent traveller: Ashok Khemkha being transferred over 40 times in a career punctuated with exposing people with more power than brains.

The comeback: The onion. We thought all the jokes were done in 2010, but thanks to the efforts of the UPA, the humble vegetable is back in its rightful place. Don’t expect those little salads along with your tandoori chicken anymore…

Worst reactionary tactic: The Congress wanting to ban lotuses in lakes since they apparently remind people of the BJP! Forget foot-in-mouth, they would have had to do hand-in-pocket for the jokes that came their way.

We demand a recount: Manmohan Singh being declared the most powerful Sikh in the world. They’re probably laughing about this even in the AICC sessions.

Most liberal punishment of the year: Tarun Tejpal giving himself a 6 month holiday for a sexual harassment case. Imagine if the Congress got wind of this fad!

Like father, like son: Asaram Bapu’s son. If you didn’t know what he did, it’s exactly what you think it is.

Fading into obscurity: While there are many names one could put on this list, such as Virender Sehwag and (sadly) Hippo Chips, the name we’re concerned with most is once-middle-class-darling Anna Hazare.

Funniest political moment of the year: The BJP and AAP both demonstrating their sense of Indian hospitality by inviting the other to form the government.

Probably the first time in democracy that the top 2 parties wanted to form the opposition! In the meantime, the Congress, who were thought to be discarded like vegetables at a Punjabi engineering college hostel’s chicken day, ended up forming part of the government while the party with the maximum seats sat it out! It was all too hilarious.

2013 was non-stop action. But we ended the year on an incredible note – where someone who was new to the system shook things up massively and quite honestly, we all pray and hope that he can lead the country out of the mess it finds itself in. But enough about Ajinkya Rahane!

No, seriously. Kejriwal has not just caught the imagination of people, but clasped it in a vice-like grip. 2014 promises to be even more fun.

With the assembly elections, state elections, the yearly IPL controversy, a Twitter account for Diggy and the law of averages sorting out Mamta Banjerjee’s suspicious reticence over the past few months, it’s gonna be one hell of a year.

Like we said before – you don’t need to go to the Comedy Club anymore. Just stay tuned to the news.

Happy new year, India. 

Part 1: Incredible India 2013

Part 2: Incredible India 2013

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