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The Imaginarium of Narendra Modi

Source : SIFY
Last Updated: Tue, Nov 12, 2013 07:05 hrs
Congress "mock-Modi ad" backfires

Plot: In the present day, 100-year-old amortal Narendra Modi leads a motley group of politicians that offers Indians an opportunity to go beyond truth and reality through a magical mirror in his possession. This is a sneak preview.

In Gandhinagar, the capital of millennial India, Modi is in the midst of yoga and meditation. Amit Shah, Rajnath Singh, Arun Jaitley, Jawaharlal Nehru, Maulana Abul Kalam Azad, Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel and C Rajagopalachari wait for the morning meeting to begin.



Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi and Lal Krishna Advani couldn’t be contacted. BR Ambedkar, Subhas Chandra Bose, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Sarojini Naidu, Sushma Swaraj were told Modi didn’t need them just yet.

The timeless meeting

Nehru, Jaitley, and the others wondered if Modi might cut his yoga session short. A long day beckoned. Days ago, Modi had let Amit Shah know in passing that he was considering a six-hour night. The sun would go down in Gandhinagar at midnight and rise at 0600 hours. Shah said it was an idea to act on but he needed two months to get everyone else on board.

As Shah mused, Modi arrived. “Nehru ji, we have to get a fix on our foreign policy,” Modi began. He liked to talk as he entered, before the others had a chance to gulp. Shah’s network of informers had learned that Nehru was considering an Indian Foreign Service [IFS] and was looking for recruits from the elite of India. Modi didn’t approve.

“This IFS is a waste of time. Let each state in India deal with two countries. Gujarat shall have China and Pakistan. Madhya Pradesh will be responsible for Japan and South Korea. Give Russia and France to Uttar Pradesh. Bihar can have Fiji and Mauritius. Punjab will work with Australia and Germany. The US and Malaysia will be with Seemandhra and Mexico with Telangana. Tamil Nadu will liaise with Sri Lanka and Jammu and Kashmir will talk to Canada,” Modi reeled off.

He didn’t mention the UK. Shah sat, privately gratified. He knew that Modi was planning to merge Pakistan with Gujarat. UK was next but Punjab was laying claim too. On his chair, Jaitley beamed. All was well, he thought, as he wondered whether he could plan a cricket tour to Shanghai soon. A few BCCI members thought Shanghai was on the moon. It was a perfect opening.

Nehru gaped. He knew when he was beaten. How did Modi know about the IFS? He had only told Mountbatten. Damn, he knew he couldn’t trust Mountbatten. It was time for The Rediscovery of India, he thought.

Patel had much on his plate. He worried about the maharajas and nawabs. Relics can be painful, he thought. Modi interrupted his musings. “Sardar, we need to know your measurements. Please wear your best jacket and dhoti. Shine your sandals. Please eat something. We may need you to be in a good mood the whole day.”

This was a shock. Patel hadn’t let anyone near him since the passing of his wife. And now he’d have strangers running their fingers over his chest, waist, hands, feet and even head. What does he mean by best jacket and dhoti, wondered an irritated Patel. He hadn’t thought of clothes since 1900. He wore what was on hand. Damn, this was tricky. Dealing with kings and nawabs was easier, he told himself.

The magic mirror

Modi needed the Sardar, but not just then. He had to let the Sardar do the dirty work first. Let him struggle. Time would immobilise him and it would be easier later.

Shah was the only human Modi had showed the magic mirror to. The mirror allowed Modi to make anyone see anything he wished them to. It allowed him to travel through time and see everything exactly the way he wished to. Modi loved his mirror. But first he had a meeting to preside over.

“Maulana, Rajnath ji is here to help you with history textbooks. We need to correct our understanding about the Mauryas and the Mughals. Even about the Buddha and the British too. We can’t bother our countrymen with unnecessary facts. Keep it simple.”

Shah smiled, a tad too mischievously thought Modi. Modi had told Shah how easy it would be to rewrite everything in online India. He had already selected 2,000 people for the job. They were in a nuclear-attack-proof bunker in Gandhinagar. They could read and write in the English language. They knew source codes. And they knew how to listen to him.

He couldn’t tell the Maulana any of this. Rajnath would know how to charm the Maulana and send him back in the belief that an honest conversation had taken place.

Modi looked at Rajagopalachari. He wanted to discuss if Sri Lanka could be merged with Tamil Nadu. But it would have to wait. He had a plane waiting to take him to Patna. He ended the meeting.

As they left, Modi’s mobile phone pinged. He had a tweet. Someone called @BunkerKing was inviting him to a Google Hangout. He wanted to lull @JStalin and he thought a Hangout with Modi might help. Modi sighed. He had no control over what his Twitter followers desired.

No, Modi decided. He had to first merge the Congress with the BJP. He would change the history of India first. The world could wait.

Disclaimer: This is an imagined account. Any resemblance to anything happening now is mere coincidence. But you knew it already.

More from the author: 

Seven faces of Narendra Modi

Rahul Gandhi: What do his efforts tell us?

Hail not, for Modi is not our first political troll

The last speech: How did Manmohan do?

Think India, not Hindu or Muslim



Vijay Simha is an independent journalist and sobriety campaigner based out of New Delhi. His most recent journalism assignment was as executive editor with The Financial World, New Delhi, and tehelka.com.


He was a guest on Season 1 of the popular Indian TV show Satyamev Jayate, hosted by Aamir Khan.

Vijay blogs here and may be cont acted at vijsimha@gmail.com.


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