UPA's twisted HUNGaMA

Last Updated: Wed, Mar 14, 2012 10:11 hrs

Sometime in January this year, our honorable Prime Minister, broke his alleged vow of silence to make a speech. Based on the state of malnutrition in the country and the efforts we should take to tackle it.

A noble and worthy cause, surely. I’m all for allowing the Government to use taxpayers’ money to feed hungry mouths around the country (it’s a darn sight better than using it to bail out airlines that are apparently bankrupt, owned by a man with India’s biggest yatch).

So yes, this is indeed a good thing Manmohan Singh has done. But then, of course, there is the small matter of the name. The report was titled “Hunger and Malnutrition report”. Which is appropriate, since the report was about, well, hunger and malnutrition. Of course, they chose to abbreviate it HUNGaMA. You see? HUNGer and MAlnutrition.

I’m not kidding. See it here.

I’m a South Indian, who hasn’t seen Sholay yet, or can’t make out what the fuss about Shah Rukh Khan is about – and even I can understand the massively epic fail that is naming a report on hunger and malnutrition Hungama.

For goodness sakes – what were they thinking? That kids suffering from Kwashiorkar and Marasmus actually ran around bellowing Pappu Can’t Dance, Saala at the top of their voices?

In any case, now that this government has shown it’s capable of anything, really, here are some more reports that we can possibly look forward to.

The finance ministry seems hell bent on trying to bail out an airline that is backed by a man with more money than he can fit into his 15-storey apartment. So the Government’s new Systematic Investment in Kingfisher will be launched, and will be called SINK. Which is what’s happening to the airline in any case.

A survey conducted by an independent body has shown that a lot of youngsters looking to play cricket get good starts while batting, but fail to score big. They tend to throw their wickets away. So the ministry has approached the BCCI to launch an academy to help batsmen refine their technique so they can capitalize on their good starts and go on and make centuries. This academy will be called the Sports Academy for Converting Hundreds Incredibly. The program will be called, er, SACHIN.

In a bid to reward the youngsters of the country who display tremendous leadership skills and will one day lead the country, it was decided to constitute an award. This was called the Rajiv Gandhi Award for Honoring Uth with Leadership. Unfortunately, it abbreviated to RAHUL.

Many people criticize the current government for not doing anything. So they decided to silence their critics by releasing a huge manuscript outlining all their deeds and achievements while in power. They named it the Book of UPA’s Keen Work And Achievements for Society. Unfortunately, the book has been dubbed BUKWAAS, not just for abbreviation…

And lastly, the Prime Minister himself chose to show that he is indeed not a puppet in the hands of his Congress seniors. In fact, he proactively shot a video to show how he makes decisions on his own. The video was filmed with the title Manmohan’s Awesome Decision and Authority Methodology’. So now, when people ask him what he uses to make decisions, he doesn’t bat an eyelid before responding, MADAM.

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Deepak Gopalakrishnan aka Chuck is a Mumbai-based cartoonist, blogger and green chilli aficionado.

He tweets here

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