A note to the dented and painted Indian woman

Last Updated: Thu, Dec 27, 2012 13:04 hrs

Dear Indian woman,

You are dented and painted. Yes, that’s right. You are a dented piece of object much like a vessel and your make-up is nothing but a coat of paint over that dent. But the biggest problem is that you go to discos. And as you should know, going to discos is a disqualification for protesting against the whole issue of rape. Just because a few women go to discos, all the women of India have absolutely no right to protest against rape. You are mere impostors!

You don’t even have any right to protest against rape of any kind. If you do so, then we will shut down the Metro service of the capital. We will use water cannons. We will lathi-charge you with impunity. We’ll lob tear gas shells at you. We will even shut down New Delhi if we have to. We will impose Section 144 on you. We will impose Section 66A on you. Hell we can even throw you in jail over a Facebook Like, such is your Status!

If you protest against brutal gang rapes then we'll beat you brutally too. Don't even do peaceful things like candle marches. India Gate is a tourist spot and definitely not something meant for anti-rape protests.

And always remember that you are asking for it. If you go out at night, you are asking for it. If you wear clothes that show even an inch of skin, then you are asking for it. If you work, then you are asking for it. Hell even if you feed men chowmein or fast food, you're asking for it! You will be served better to come out and protest against chowmein and fast food.

In fact there is only one thing left to do that can save this nation. Get married at the age of 16 and stay in your house till death. That’s the only way. Even if the Constitution tells you that you can only get married at the age of 18, we can still insist that all of you must compulsorily get married at the age of 16 and get out of our hair. Of course the only time you must get out of the house is on election day, when you should definitely vote for chauvinistic politicians like us.

Let us repeat: If a rape happens, then a victim asked for it. If the victim didn't ask for it, then there is another explanation. It is actually all part of a conspiracy to malign the government. Rapes are reported to malign a government. If you protest too strongly against this particular theory, then you are definitely a Maoist. And you know what the Indian state thinks of Maoists! In fact it's a double crime to be a Maoist and a woman at the same time.

Rapists can be politicians, it is their divine right. They can be MPs and MLAs and they are hallowed. But their victims should be out of the very Indian system, forget politics.

India is a banana republic where mango men have no rights. This comes straight from the venerated and glorious first family of Indian politics. Now what about mango women? They don't even exist!

Finally, we have another trump card. What about the realm of statistics? As far as statistics are concerned, then you will be enlightened to know that 90% of rapes are consensual anyway. Yes, you heard it right. 90 per cent of the girls want to have sex intentionally but they don’t know that they would be gang raped further as they find some lusty and pervasive people in the way ahead. (Whatever that means!)

Finally, one-half of India wants one-third of reservation in Indian Parliament. What an unfair demand! As far as we are concerned, you will never get it and we will keep disrupting Parliament to ensure that it never happens.

In case you haven’t guessed by now, then in short, we hate your very existence.

Yours Sincerely,

The sum wisdom of Indian politicians,
(Including, strangely, some women politicians too!)

(It is quite hard to believe, but most of this fictitious letter is based on actual statements made by various esteemed Indian politicians over the past years! Thanks to TV footage, they are recorded and cannot be just wished away as being misquoted. Salutes to the anti-rape protestors, who are fighting a very uphill battle indeed.)

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The author is a Bangalore-based journalist and blogger.

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