Secularism: A vague concept created by the Congress, Leftist intellectuals, historians and editors along with Liberals and the civil society where mere lip service is required and nothing more. No concrete practical action is required as it is merely an abstract concept.
Usage: I am secular because I merely call myself secular.
Synonyms: Anti-Hindu, Pro-Muslim.
Antonyms: Modi, RSS, BJP.
Note: Sikhs, Christians etc do not generally form part of the debate.
Communalism: Definitions change from time to time but it makes more sense to associate this adjective with a prime organization or individual. Anyone that even remotely supports that particular organization or individual is communal.
Examples of such things…
1992-2002: LK Advani.
2002-now: Narendra Modi.
(Note: Advani is the only example that migrated from communal to secular. He achieved this spectacular feat by strongly opposing Modi. Anyone strongly opposing Modi has to be seen as secular even if he held a Rath Yatra that ended in the Babri Masjid coming down. Basically anyone opposing Modi today is secular and the stronger the opposition, the stronger the secularism.)
Godhra: The capital of communalism in India. It is also the capital of the mainstream media since 2002. (Note: New Delhi was the capital of the MSM from 1947 to 2002.) It is also one of the three landmark years of India.
In 1947, India became Independent.
In 1991, it got Liberalized.
In 2002 it got Communalized.
In 2014 it became a Fascist State.
Fascist State: Anything headed by Narendra Modi. Gujarat was declared one in 2002 and India one in 2014.
Nineteen Eighty-Four: A brilliant novel by George Orwell sahib. It may also have been a year when the grass got flattened when a big tree fell. But nothing more should be said beyond that. In fact, Indian intellectuals are working on Twenty Fourteen.
Collective responsibility: If there is a policy failure or lapse on the part of the government, all the members of the Council of Ministers are jointly responsible in defending that failure/lapse in all forums like TV debates and Twitter and shouting down the Opposition in Parliament and rubbishing even the mildest of criticism elsewhere.
Executive branch of government: Is the one that has sole authority and responsibility for the entire country from top to bottom, from the little to the big and everyone else must either listen or shut up.
Section 66A: If you annoy any member of the government in any way through any Tweet, Facebook status message or blog, then you are nothing but a common criminal who must be hunted down. Hell even if you Like such a status or ReTweet it, you are equally responsible.
Women’s rights: It is the right of every political leader to insult women, rubbish them and pass as many derogatory remarks against them as they can without any fear of reprisal or arrest.
Political spokesperson: A person whose job it is to speak and keep on speaking making sure not to listen to anything at all and to make sure that nobody else speaks.
TV news channels: A totally fictitious concept in India. There are only TV opinion channels. New has been broken to such fine ground dust that only opinions remain.
Liberal: A person who has the right to liberally attack and bully any person or party who does not agree with his or her point of view.
Lok Sabha: Something that is full of more than a hundred people chargesheeted for various offences from harmless things like protest marches to the more serious ones like rape and murder. There is a lot of shouting and screaming along with walk outs all the time and even a great deal of bunking.
It is also a dangerous place and sometimes pepper spray may be required. But it is a true mirror of India.
Dynasty: A concept that is the very soul of India and has to be accepted because it is valid by divine right. Anything opposing it in any form is anti-democratic anti-progressive and communal. It formed the backbone of the MSM from 2004-14 when they had two slogans: “She Who Must Not Be Named” and “She Must Not Be Unhappy”.
Development: A dodgy concept that makes no sense when religion, caste and crime are more useful to gather votes. Anyone who uses this to win elections is obviously a Fascist dictator.
IPL: An annual festival where all the merry participants joke, dance, party, do ads, make loads of money, travel all over India and generally have a good time. There are dancing girls, Bollywood superstars and VVIPs all around. Sometimes the bookies and the underworld also get into the act.
And they also play some cricket in between.
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The author is a Bangalore-based journalist and blogger. He blogs here.