Narendra Modi's acceptance speech…

Last Updated: Mon, May 19, 2014 07:09 hrs

First of all I would like to thank the Modi Industry. In terms of mindshare, this has been the biggest industry to have seen unprecedented growth in the last 12 years. As they grew, so did my popularity and mindshare among the citizens of India.

I would like to thank all the TV anchors and reporters for calling me a Hitler and attacking me non-stop for 12 years. That helped me always stay in the limelight and in the end repulsed the voters of India so much that they ultimately came to my side.

I would like to thank all the activists, NGOs, officials and journalists who helped launch so many cases against me and in the end they all proved to be baseless and the arguments totally ran out when all the courts of the land failed to implicate me in any way.

I would like to thank the Congress for launching the biggest witchhunt in Independent India’s history. Since you could find absolutely nothing on me, it became a sort of clean chit for me. Thank you for the clean chit which the people saw as white even though you saw as black.

I would like to thank Manmohan Singh for being so spineless, incompetent and ineffective. After you even an above average Prime Ministerial candidate would have looked great. My job was made much easier because of you.

I would like to thank Rahul Gandhi for refusing to take up any sort of government responsibility for 10 years and constantly putting his foot in his mouth. Let me repeat: Next to you even an above average Prime Ministerial candidate would have looked great. My job was made much easier because of you.

I would like to thank Arvind Kejriwal for capturing the imagination of the nation and giving the BJP campaign, which was entering complacency like 2004 and 2009, a much-needed kick. When you were exposed as a total fake, the people turned to the real thing.

Special thanks to Mani Shankar Aiyar who has conclusively proved that good education in Indian politics is useless. Thanks to people like you, no-one cares about what my education status is.

Your comment deriding my tea selling status got me bucket loads of sympathy and inspired ChaiPeCharcha ensuring that my election campaign didn’t have any pauses.

I was trying to keep religion and caste out of the equation but the media started talking about my OBC status after that. That’s something I hardly talk about. But that proved quite crucial in the end and may just have been the push that took us past 272.

I would like to thank all those who consistently rubbished the Gujarat Model. That made it a raging debate and all the statistics and figures came out. Ultimately it was the people who decided that it worked.

While Modi haters maybe compared the Gujarat Model to the Europe Model or the America Model in their mind, the average voter compared it to things like the Uttar Pradesh Model and the West Bengal Model and was impressed by it.

I would like to thank all the politicians of all the Opposition parties. Ideally all of us should have got together and attacked the Congress which had just given us the worst government in Independent India’s history.

Instead all of you joined hands with the Congress and took to attacking me with great gusto. That meant that your own vote share and Lok Sabha seats plummeted thanks to your association with the Congress. I was left to reap the maximum benefit of the crucial anti-Congress wave.

To summarize I would like to thank all Modi Haters for hating me for 12 years. I have built a huge castle which turned out to be an impregnable fortress with all the stones of various sizes that you have hurled at me.

Sometimes I think that each and every group in India was just acting in such a manner to push me to the Prime Minister’s chair for the last 12 years.
(PS: Though this letter is tongue in cheek, there is no doubt that Modi haters contributed more to his Prime Ministerial success than did his supporters. Just ask the common voter.)